Wednesday, June 8, 2016

The Vvitch (2015)

-Vvouldst though like the taste of butter,...a pretty dress?  Vvouldst thou like to live deliciously?

Ok, so...vvhen I grow up, I vvanna be this movie!

This movie is not for everyone.  This is not a casual vvatch. It's not a casual listen, either. There's a vvhole bunch of olde English type of speaking goin on.  You know...

"Child, come hither lest ye be thou speaketh thine dost vvouldst not vvherefore into temptation."

Go ahead and read that again. I just vvrote that shit.

This movie blew me away. I rented from redbox and as soon as the movie vvas done, I vvent out and bought it. I had to have it. I vvatched it with the subtitles on and I'm glad I did. You're prolly gonna miss some of vvhat is going on, otherwise.

It's NOT scary. There are no jump scares. There is no overt violence. This isn't a bloodbath. There are no sex scenes. There are no quotable one liners.

Vvhat it dreadful and creepy and dark and disturbing. If you put your cell phone down and let the movie seep into you, you will be dragged into despair along with the characters.

Now...if you looked through the rest of this blog, you know I'm no film elitist. I like cheese. I like jump scares.  I like one liners. I'm very easy to please vvhen it comes to found footage style movies. I like the young tenders...

But this movie is on another level. (I know you're not supposed to start a sentence with a conjunction)

I don't know vvhere I'm going vvith this. I just really loved this movie. I think you vvill too if you let the movie vvork it's black magic. Enjoy!

Vote Black Phillip!!!

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Mein Gott!!!

That's German for "holy shit!", y'all.

Im a little older now than I was when I started this blog. I'm sure most of you are.

Older, health problems, but still lazy about posting.

The dudes at Kino Lorber are saints!!!
These guys released Short Eyes (1977), (Strange) Shadows in an Empty Room (1976), Report to the Commissioner (1975), Prime Cut (1972) and now, they've announced The Laughing Policeman (1973) on Blu.

Man!!!  So much 70's goodness being served up by these guys. There's hundreds of other excellent releases but I'm not gonna type all that. I don't have kids, but if I ever give up and decide to have a kid, that kids name is gonna be Kino Lorber. Kino Lorber De La Garza. It doesn't quite roll off the tongue. More like it stumbles drunkenly off the tongue. I'm going with Kino Lorber since I don't think I can get Scream Factory De La Garza past future baby's momma.

That's all for now. Just wanted to sing KL's praises to no one. This post is over cuz it's really a pain trying to blog on an iPad. I'm going back to the PC.

Friday, October 23, 2015

So, it's been a looooooooong time since i've posted anything on this blog.  I've been busy...and lazy.  I don't even really know why I'm back.  No one is reading this.  Just like when I started the blog.  My brother noticed, and mentioned to someone (she revealed this to me at one point) that I talk to myself.  I'm not crazy.  I just have a tendency to play things out in my head and I occasionally respond to my thoughts out loud.  So, if you find me in a private, secluded moment, you might here me say out loud, "Why would you do that?"  I'm not talking to anyone, I'm responding to my own inner thoughts.  If that's crazy, then I'm crazy.  Now, add to that the fact that I'm most likely blogging to myself...I must be crazy.  I say that no one is reading this because, who does blogs anymore?  Everything is about facebook.  I hate facebook.  I have an account, but i don't post anything, I don't "like" anything, I don't put up 20 pictures of the newest baby in the family so everyone can see how cute our bloodline can be.  AND, I don't want to see all that crap from anyone else, either.  If that sounded a little hostile,...remember, I'm crazy. 

I did receive a very nice email from an internet denizen who was very complimentary about this blog.  Thank you!!!  My brother also mentioned that he had a friend or two (most likely, just one) who dug my blog.  That all made me feel good about what I was doing here.  But, I'm lazy.  It's been so long since I've blogged that I can't even remember how to go about posting pics.  I probably won't post any more pics or screen caps.  I'm too lazy to go and relearn how to do it.

Anyway, I may or may not be back.  I'm just rambling about me and my current status as a would be blogger in a world that has moved on to facebook and twitter.  Maybe I'll start up a myspace account.  Keepin it old school. 

Movie recommendations...

Check Netflix

Come Back to Me
The Den

My brother recommends
The Nightmare

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Fade to Black (1980)

-I can't picture the creature who would want to marry you.  
Tell me, who is this unlucky girl?

Ahhhh....a movie about a murderously psychotic film geek.  (Yeah, yeah...I saw the Scream movies)  Fade to Black is the story of Eric Binford, a film junkie who gets pushed a little too far by almost everyone in his life.

Eric gets dissed by his aunt, his boss, his coworkers, a movie producer and a Marilyn Monroe-esque young tender.  What else can a film geek do but dress up like his favorite movie characters and start murdering?

It's not the greatest movie in the world, but I enjoyed it. I've enjoyed it for quite a few years, now.  It was made during a time when being a film geek wasn't really all that cool.  Not like now.  I'm at my coolness apex, right now.  I walk in the club and everyone's like,..."Hell yeah!"  All you film geeks know what I'm talkin' about.  Livin' la vida loca!

Listen up Hollywood.  You've remade everything else pre-1990.  Fans are begging for this remake.  Well, I am, anyway.   

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Awesomely Bad Killer Bear Movies

Grizzly (1976) and Prophecy (1979)

Double Feature time!!!!


One is a regular bear who kills.  The other is a genetically deformed bear who kills.  Either way, you win!

Grizzly (1976)
A 30th Anniversary Double-Disc Special Edition!!!  You are not worthy.  Jaws with claws, indeed.  There's not much to talk about.  It's all right there for you.  Bear kills, bear is hunted down, mankind is saved from the wrath of mother nature.

And Iiiiiiiiiieeeiiiiiii will always love youuuuuooooouuu.....

Prophecy (1979)
If anyone thought John Frankenheimer was at his lowest when he gave the world his remake of The Island of Dr Moreau (starring Val Kilmer and Vito Corleone),...they might be right.  However, never let it be said that Fankenheimer was afraid to scrape the bottom of the barrel on more than one occasion. This time he enlists the talents of Adrian Balboa and Armand Assante.  Corporations are raping the planet for the benefit of mankind (as they are wont to do), mother nature suffers and pays us back in spades.

 Frankenheimer does his best to give us some rich and sprawling camera work throughout this film.  Yeah, yeah...trees, nature, lakes...(sigh).  Get to the monster, already!  You can fast forward through some of the more artistically inclined shots and shave about 20 minutes off of this gem.

So much fun.  This is what Saturday afternoons were made for.  Enjoy. 

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

The Last Exorcism II and Evil Dead

Just watched Evil Dead (2013).

It was a worthy remake....

The Last Exorcism II was weak...the first one was better.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

The Devils (1971)

-I pray that I may assist you in the birth of a new France where church and state are one.
-...and may the Protestant be driven from the land.

I can sit through twenty or so movies knowing full well that most of them are prolly gonna suck, long as I can find that one diamond.  The Devils is that diamond.  And what a diamond it is. 

The Devils stars Oliver Reed and Vanessa Redgrave.  Based on historical accounts and heavily stylized, this movie will blow you away.  Reed plays rock star priest Father Urbain Grandier, (The David Lee Roth of The Cloth, if you will...Will you?) in 17th century France.   As the governor of an independent province in France, Grandier does right by his peeps, but to much of the townsfolks chagrin, he loves the sexy time.  Redgrave plays the Mother Superior Jeanne at the local convent and she loves rock n roll.  And by rock n roll, I mean Grandier.  Grandier gets married and Jeanne lashes out by claiming that Grandier is in league with satan and is practicing witchcraft.  

The Church and State seize the opportunity to defame and oust Grandier from his position in order to consolidate their control over France. 

Over the top and out of control, this movie would make a great double bill with A Clockwork Orange.  The Devils should be screened second, if that tells you anything.  

I have a couple of copies of this movie that I "found" on the interwebs.  One is crappy and uncut and the other is pretty good quality and censored.  Watched them both. Good luck finding this one since it's pretty much unavailable other than the edited VHS. 

I would resort to witchcraft to see an uncut blu ray release announced.