Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Fade to Black (1980)

-I can't picture the creature who would want to marry you.  
Tell me, who is this unlucky girl?

Ahhhh....a movie about a murderously psychotic film geek.  (Yeah, yeah...I saw the Scream movies)  Fade to Black is the story of Eric Binford, a film junkie who gets pushed a little too far by almost everyone in his life.

Eric gets dissed by his aunt, his boss, his coworkers, a movie producer and a Marilyn Monroe-esque young tender.  What else can a film geek do but dress up like his favorite movie characters and start murdering?

It's not the greatest movie in the world, but I enjoyed it. I've enjoyed it for quite a few years, now.  It was made during a time when being a film geek wasn't really all that cool.  Not like now.  I'm at my coolness apex, right now.  I walk in the club and everyone's like,..."Hell yeah!"  All you film geeks know what I'm talkin' about.  Livin' la vida loca!

Listen up Hollywood.  You've remade everything else pre-1990.  Fans are begging for this remake.  Well, I am, anyway.   

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Awesomely Bad Killer Bear Movies

Grizzly (1976) and Prophecy (1979)

Double Feature time!!!!


One is a regular bear who kills.  The other is a genetically deformed bear who kills.  Either way, you win!

Grizzly (1976)
A 30th Anniversary Double-Disc Special Edition!!!  You are not worthy.  Jaws with claws, indeed.  There's not much to talk about.  It's all right there for you.  Bear kills, bear is hunted down, mankind is saved from the wrath of mother nature.

And Iiiiiiiiiieeeiiiiiii will always love youuuuuooooouuu.....

Prophecy (1979)
If anyone thought John Frankenheimer was at his lowest when he gave the world his remake of The Island of Dr Moreau (starring Val Kilmer and Vito Corleone),...they might be right.  However, never let it be said that Fankenheimer was afraid to scrape the bottom of the barrel on more than one occasion. This time he enlists the talents of Adrian Balboa and Armand Assante.  Corporations are raping the planet for the benefit of mankind (as they are wont to do), mother nature suffers and pays us back in spades.

 Frankenheimer does his best to give us some rich and sprawling camera work throughout this film.  Yeah, yeah...trees, nature, lakes...(sigh).  Get to the monster, already!  You can fast forward through some of the more artistically inclined shots and shave about 20 minutes off of this gem.

So much fun.  This is what Saturday afternoons were made for.  Enjoy. 

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

The Last Exorcism II and Evil Dead

Just watched Evil Dead (2013).

It was a worthy remake....

The Last Exorcism II was weak...the first one was better.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

The Devils (1971)

-I pray that I may assist you in the birth of a new France where church and state are one.
-...and may the Protestant be driven from the land.

I can sit through twenty or so movies knowing full well that most of them are prolly gonna suck,...as long as I can find that one diamond.  The Devils is that diamond.  And what a diamond it is. 

The Devils stars Oliver Reed and Vanessa Redgrave.  Based on historical accounts and heavily stylized, this movie will blow you away.  Reed plays rock star priest Father Urbain Grandier, (The David Lee Roth of The Cloth, if you will...Will you?) in 17th century France.   As the governor of an independent province in France, Grandier does right by his peeps, but to much of the townsfolks chagrin, he loves the sexy time.  Redgrave plays the Mother Superior Jeanne at the local convent and she loves rock n roll.  And by rock n roll, I mean Grandier.  Grandier gets married and Jeanne lashes out by claiming that Grandier is in league with satan and is practicing witchcraft.  

The Church and State seize the opportunity to defame and oust Grandier from his position in order to consolidate their control over France. 

Over the top and out of control, this movie would make a great double bill with A Clockwork Orange.  The Devils should be screened second, if that tells you anything.  

I have a couple of copies of this movie that I "found" on the interwebs.  One is crappy and uncut and the other is pretty good quality and censored.  Watched them both. Good luck finding this one since it's pretty much unavailable other than the edited VHS. 

I would resort to witchcraft to see an uncut blu ray release announced.